Do they know? (guest post by my husband, Ben)

{written a few weeks ago after hearing a guy from his Goruck community tragically passed away}

This morning I took off around 6am for an early run. As I ran along the trails I could see the beautiful Colorado Mountains on my left and the sunrise on my right.

 

It was just beautiful but the tears on my face and pain in my heart were much more powerful.

Beauty and pain at the same time.

Early Saturday morning I heard the news that a friend had been hit by a car and did not make it. For the rest of the weekend this didn’t leave my thoughts but being so busy with the kids, it didn’t fully hit home until this morning.

Running along, I continued thinking about what a great weekend it was for the family. We were busy as can be, which is normal with six kids who are all active.

Things are good, I smiled and then wham it hit me.

Back near Syracuse there is a woman who is waking up knowing that she will never see her husband again. The three children, one of which is a newborn, will not see their dad again. The tears started as I ran on.

The magnitude of it hit me like a wall.

A man with a passion for life and being active, left Friday night to do an endurance event with friends. I am sure there was excitement for the challenge that laid ahead that night for him, pride and happiness from his wife seeing him do the things he loved. A kiss goodbye and we will see you in the morning.

How often I have done this with Teresa and the kids. Giving them each a hug and kiss excited for the night and being back with them in the morning sometime.

This time he didn’t come home.

A driver fell asleep and hit Jeff who, even with an EMT amongst the group, died that morning. Such finality to this!

The painful thought for me was thinking what would be going through my mind in a situation like this. As the world disappears not being able to see Teresa’s face or the kids brings such a raw pain.

I think culturally in America we tend to avoid pain whenever possible but this is a time to just be in it and feel for this family.

I am a man of Faith. The normal stupid lines people say like “he’s in a better place” and others come to mind but I call BS on that.

I have my faith…I love Jesus but am also not ashamed to admit I question this.

I feel absolutely certain that God created Teresa to be my wife. No doubts or hesitations on that…same with my children. I was made to be their dad. How could I ever think that I would be in a “better place” looking down from Heaven watching her struggle with six kids alone?

I know the verses and trust that when the time comes I may be able to understand Gods plan, but right now I just think of how much it would hurt me to see them living without me there.

The pain of knowing Teresa has to do it all by herself.

A few years ago, I was talking to one of the Executives while on a business trip - sharing how I wanted to get home to see the family. The meetings were long and work took a lot of time.

I remember so clearly when he looked at me and responded, “there are weekends, summers and times of the year when it’s not busy."

In my head I wanted to punch him in the face for being so stupid but all I said was “how do you know?”

That’s my thought. How do you now how many tomorrows there will be?

We have heard it a million times that you need to make sure your loved ones know you love them but do you really believe that to your core?

Maybe this hits so much harder because we have four adopted children that have lost parents.

The older ones can tell us about their fathers dying and what it was like. The loss of a parent for a child is a real thing in our home and while I never want to live in fear, it does scare me to think about the pain it would cause them to lose another parent.

I call my little 3 year old, "baby" and she often says to me, “daddy I am not a baby. I am a big girl.” And each time I respond, “you are a big girl sweet Imani but to me you will always be my baby.”

This man was someone’s baby and he left behind a wife and three of his own.

So seriously…do you know without a doubt that your loved ones know you love them?

Really love them in a sacrificial manner?

Look at them and think about what life would be like if you didn’t come back next time you walked out the door. This wasn’t a dangerous activity but a driver fell asleep. It happens and it will happen.