Contentment. Aren't we always asked to have it?

Expected to have it, right?

But I'm going to be honest with you. When I'm content, I feel out of God's will. Sounds strange, doesn't it.

Before you think I've completely lost it, let me explain what I mean...

I've mentioned in this post how after college, I released MY plans...my perfectly wonderful intended future, to the Lord. I examined my heart and realized I never actually asked Him what HIS desire and plan was for me in the first place.

Contentment was different after that.

A few years later while Ben and I were dating, we attended an auction, a gala really, where a black and white photograph caught our eye. It was of a little boy in Malawi, praying. Standing in front of this impactful photo that night {which now has a special place in our home}, spurred all sorts of conversation. We knew we would eventually be married and were talking about our future.

Ben and I talked and imagined adopting little African babies once we were man and wife and envisioned all the ways we could make a difference in the world. He, like me, wanted to live an abundant life. To be used by God and make an impact in the world.

We wanted to do more than just talk about God, we wanted to live Him.

It was one of those nights where we were dressed in black tie, drinking chilled champagne from long thinly stemmed glassware, dreaming of the future. We could have planned to take over the lives of the Trump family, and it would have felt just as believable that evening.

And here we are, a little more than eight years later. We have lived in three states, six houses, birthed two beautiful baby boys, and adopted four remarkable Ethiopian children. We've had job changes, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, financial joys, and a whole load of other things that would quite possibly bore you.

So...we haven't sat around a whole lot, apparently. There hasn't been a lot of time to ease into a feeling of contentment.

When I searched my thesaurus for the word "content," I saw what I expected...it means to be fulfilled, willing, and satisfied. I love that it says "willing," don't you? Yes, Lord...I AM WILLING...I will be content in what You will. I will be satisfied.

As I continued on to other synonyms however, my eyes stopped on the words comfortable, complacent, smug, and the phrase fat & happy.

Wow.

Pretty sure that's not at all what we're supposed to be.

I think it's so easy for us to be content with how our lives are playing out. Sure we want this...and that change would be nice, but all-in-all, life is fine. We don't want to rock the boat. We're content.

Sometimes I actually crave the fat and happy idea. Sometimes I'm tired and the idea of being complacent doesn't sound too bad.

But I don't think that's the contentment God desires of us.

In my heart, I know it's when He stretches us and we have no choice but to lean heavily on Him that we need to be content. Content with knowing HIS plan is the BEST plan. Unconditional Contentment.

Ben and I both want to live lives that don't center around ourselves. We prayed {and still pray} God use us to make a difference in the lives of others. We just had no idea what that looked like.

God is looking for people to use, and if you can get usable, he will wear you out. The most dangerous prayer you can pray is this: 'Use me.' {Rick Warren}

God has asked Ben and I to do so many things out of our comfort zones, outside our first-choice desires. So much so in fact, at this point when things seem smooth and we're settling in and it's a time of rose colored contentment...I feel I'm not hearing The Lord correctly and jump deeper into The Word and my time of prayer before Him.

I want to make sure I'm not drifting by in a life I build myself. Perhaps at some point, God will grant me the gift of rest and I won't feel this so intensely. But every day He reminds me...

He didn't put us in this world to be content.

He put us in this world to make a difference for His kingdom.

My heart yearns for more than contentment, doesn't yours??